Anyway, my issue is probably not something I'm alone in, and in fact, I think it's probably more common than we'd all like to admit. But here it is-- my guy friends keep falling in love with me. I'm not saying I'm awesome and irresistible (if you've met me you know); but I think it's simply a natural phenomenon that happens when two people spend so much intimate time together eating sandwiches, smoking weed and watching Space Jam.
It's the same story on repeat. We're cool. Just friends. He's not really my 'type' aka I don't think about him when I masturbate. We hang out and do all of the things two dudes would do -- except we're not two dudes -- and eventually my non-showering, unshaven, freely burping self is just too irresistible for him to handle (a real 21st century femme fatale, guys). He has to have me. So in an epic display of courage he tells me he loves me. "I love you too" I say, because I do love my friends and I've probably already told him this many times. But no, he explains, he REALLY loves me. As in, IN love with me loves me. As in, can't stand seeing me with other guys loves me. As in, wants to rub our junk together exclusively with each other's junk loves me.
And to be honest, I had feelings for him too. They crept up on me slowly over time until I suddenly saw a man who hadn't been 'my type' was exactly what I needed all along. Someone who knew me better than anyone, someone I trusted unequivocally. Someone I could smell like a vagina around, cry around and who challenged me when I acted like a cunt. The person I liked laughing with the most and enjoyed spending time with more than anyone. It had always been him.
Cut to the sad part-- So I stopped seeing other guys. I told him "I'm on board, I want this, I'm committed." And he runs for the hills. He flees so fast I have whiplash from the departure. I'm fucked. And alone. Now short a friend, my best friend, and wholly heartbroken over what could have been.
He hurt me before I could hurt him. He ended it before it even began. We were both terrified of the possibilities and vulnerability of a real relationship, of true respect and love. The short of it is I was ready, and he pussed out. Can I really blame him? I mull over what I did wrong and what I could have done differently. But as I've come to realize, love is scary. And love with me, love with anyone, is no joke.
In the end there's nothing I could have done other than not have a vagina. Stupid vagina. I don't know the answer or how to end this post. I guess don't fall in love with your friends unless you're A.) ready to take the leap or B.) want to turn your relationship into a big pile of crap. Stupid, stupid crappy vagina.