But in all honesty, Kim Kardashian's pregnancy has humanized her quite a bit, at least enough that I no longer wish to see her burn in a pit of fire. I still want her to die alone, but in a comfy bed is fine. Watching her struggle with swollen feet, weight gain and an arguably absent baby daddy is a stark reminder that under all of the glitz and glam she is just a vulnerable woman, eating her feelings like the rest of us.
So do I think Kim should be off limits from our jokes and be awarded the decency pass we all bestow upon pregnant women? Fuck. No. And here's why.
She's famous for a sex tape.
The fact that Kim Kardashian is still even relevant for getting her happy slot pounded is beyond infuriating, and the fortune she's been able to accumulate as a result makes me want to tear the head off of a kitten. But kittens aside, the Kardashians are precisely what's wrong with American culture. Excessive. Hollow. Selfish. And over-sexualized.
Her road to fame was paved by photos and video exploiting her body. The Kardashians have been a willing partner in the methodical crafting of their fame and have been paid up the ass for it. Kim gave up the right to dictate how her body was judged the moment she stepped into the celebrity sphere and the storm of exposure she and her family have relentlessly fueled.
So now that Kim is pregnant she's supposed to be off-limits? I don't think so, Kimmy. This is the bed you made, now lie in it.
On the upside, don't worry about posting embarrassing tweets or pictures on the Internet anymore. Kimye beats all of us out on the "How I met your mother" tale their son or daughter will inevitably become curious about.
"You see, there was this other rapper that your mom let bang her in a video and she became very famous from it. Then she married another man for more fame, left him after two months and that's when daddy swooped in and fired you into her swarthy womb!"
Do I think Kim is a bad person? No. But I entirely disagree with the fact that I even know who she is. So, I'll do the only thing I know how to in uncomfortable situations, make fun of her.
In the end, I hope Kim has an easy delivery without any complications and is released back into the ocean to be free once again.
Whale joke go BOOM.
Peace out, snowflakes. XOXO