 My father played catch with me. He taught me how to throw a ball. As the oldest of three daughters I didn’t have much of a choice in being raised as a son. My dad played college ball and in farm leagues up until he died when I was twelve. An emotional investment in America’s favorite pastime has been as much a part of my life as it was a part of his. My dad loved it, so I loved it. To this day baseball makes me feel close him. A dad playing catch with his son is an important rite of passage in any boy’s life. If your dad never tossed with you movies teach us you had some kind of neglectful, absentee, deadbeat of a father. But if you’re a girl and your dad never played catch with you, you’re just a regular girl. What the fuck is that about? As I got older I began to hear things like “run like a girl” and “throw like a girl,” phrases used to disparage the unathletic. I looked on with wonder. I truly didn’t understand. Runs like a girl. Throws like a girl. Fucking enough already. I'm calling bullshit. Girls can throw. And if they can’t, it’s not their goddamn fault. “But, ALLY, stereotypes are rooted in truth. Girls can’t throw or run as well as boys!” Fine. Then I ask you, why does this stereotype exist? Is it inherently true that women are physically incapable of throwing hard or running fast? I could name a few softball players and competitive sprinters that would disagree. And if it were true, that women were physically incapable of throwing or running without embarrassing themselves, what kind of asshole would make fun of them for a biologically-imposed handicap? Would you tell a mentally handicapped person “you throw like a retard?” Would you shout, “you run like a cripple!” to someone who was crippled? While both statements are technically true, you would just sound like a dickhead Captain Obvious. Is it true: girls as a whole throw less adequately than boys. Hence, “you throw like a girl” has been a perpetuated turn of phrase. But here’s why it exists: NO ONE TEACHES THEIR DAUGHTERS HOW TO THROW A DAMN BALL. (Not, no one. Thanks dads who do. Moving on.) By systematically disregarding half of the population’s abilities, by refusing to teach them a basic skill that their male counterparts learn en masse, a stereotype comes to fruition, and it’s then perpetuated as a slur. Girls are taught, by society, if not in some roundabout way by their parents, that they are incapable. That they are delicate. That they are less than. And if they act strong they're chastised for being too man-like. This is patriarchy. And it is bullshit. Here’s the thing; sons are given life lessons, daughters are taught how to protect themselves. Throwing a ball is one of these lessons. It’s deemed worthy of a son, and unnecessary for a daughter. If you can’t throw a ball, you’re not a real man. You’re as useless as a girl. These are the subliminal messages we send to our children. These are the undertones engrained in our society. My dad teaching me to throw a ball was indicative of other wisdoms fathers pass to the next generation. In my case, I benefited from being the oldest and brotherless so I was given the attention my sisters were not. My dad taught me to stick up for myself. How to handle bullies who harped on my braces and glasses. How to pick myself up and bite my lip when I fell hard. He taught me how to face my fears and to look people in the eye when I talk to them. He taught me that if there’s anything I ever want out of life; to work hard for it, not wait for someone else to give it to me. Most importantly, he taught me that I was enough. Surprisingly, these are not universal lessons. They are important lessons, but these are boys’ lessons. How I was raised is a far departure from how my younger sisters were parented, so I can’t give credit to my dad for being some kind of humanist, striving for equality in child rearing. He just really wanted a son and I was the only option. My sisters did dance and gymnastics while I played farm league with the boys. My sisters got all of the princessy pink shit while I was given a microscope, Legos and K’nex. I was told to explore. My sisters were told to be careful. It was within the context of my own childhood that I learned boys and girls are treated differently. We place different expectations on them, expectations we make excuses for and tell ourselves are rooted in reason and biology. But again, I call bullshit. All the ways in which I was raised seemed normal at the time, and in every way they were. For a boy. We raise our sons as arbiters of the next generation. As the ones we choose to instill knowledge and valuable skills. We tell our daughters to be whatever they want to be, but then demonize women who grown up and don’t want to be mothers, but instead focus on career. I consistently say "we" because I believe we are all responsible for one another. Society's injustices are all of ours to fix. Yes, boys and girls are different, but the human condition is universal. We have the same fears, wants and needs, and that goes beyond gender, crossing lines of race, religion and socioeconomic status. We are all much more similar than we care to admit. At the end of the day we’re all human. The larger world is place enough for women to be dehumanized with terms like chick, bitch, doll, anything to make her seem more like a thing and less like a human being. All this is in addition to making less money for equal work and being valued based mainly on her physical appearance. Let's be honest. It sucks. |
“Yes, I kick like a girl. And I swim like a girl. I walk like a girl and I wake up in the morning like a girl. Because I am a girl.” (watch the embedded video above if you want to cry) Every eight-year-old girl believes in herself. By the time she’s fourteen her confidence has been broken. Girls should be proud of who they are, not embarrassed because some dipshit’s dipshit father taught him that girls are inadequate. Because she’ll meet plenty of those guys at frat parties and on the street and in her office. And if you don’t teach her who she is, that she is capable, and strong and worthy of respect, then she’ll end up having sex with the same pieces of shit who belittle her.
Teach your daughters how to cast a fishing line. Encourage them to get dirty and play rough and run hard. Teach them how to handle themselves in the face of adversity, to sweat and to strive. Teach them not to apologize for being strong, being creative, or saying what’s on her mind. Teach them how to change a tire and build a fire and, screw it, how to tie a tie. Women can wear ties.
And please, above all else, teach her how to throw a fucking ball.
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